August 18, 2015
-
It will get better.
I can no longer talk to people.
I do do not who I am any longer.
Most days I do not want to wake up.
I desire to be someone I once was more often then not but I know that is not possible.
I try to find things to look forward to but find it exceedingly difficult.
I have taken this ending of a relationship far to hard.
I have lost myself and so much of who I was.
I need a break from my family. I am sick of the emotional weight that comes with financial support. I also have no idea how to tell them I need a break.
I doubt if I know how to cope with emotional pain.
I have lost all my creative drive and no longer see a point in trying to ramps things up again.
I can no longer write paragraghs.
I still have a slight sense of humour.
I desire physical intimacy but have not had any in 5 months.
I am sick of destroying my body and if I continue I know death is sooner than later.
I feel like a constant failure in most all things I do.
The things that once made me happy no longer make me happy.
I haven’t felt happiness outside of a dance floor.
After being told that “I deserve better” by the person that once professed such a strong love for me I have become shattered.
I clearly put too much weight on being in a relationship and how well that is going.
This needs to stop.
I have stopped working out this summer and despite my desire to do so I can never do.
I spend far too much time alone.
I have become a profound listener.
I have solid passion and career. If I only have that I am foruntate.
I wonder how much more I have in me often.
Ok, I am done.
Also - if you read this. I please ask you to tell me. It would mean a lot to me in this very dark and challenging part of my life.
Comments (3)
I'm not sure if the post script was meant for anyone in particular... But I would feel terrible if I didn't comply with your simple request. I still check in on you. I hope things get better. I'm sorry I can't be there for you, for what it's worth.
It may be a few days late but I read it. I know you may feel alone in all of this but you are not. There are people that care about you and your life. Are you cutting again? I know it's hard to hear or for you to see but you are an amazing guy and have so much in you.
This was written by the to write love on her arms guy and I keep a copy of it in my car. Hopefully it helps.
There is Still Some Time.
By Jamie Tworkowski
If you feel too much, there’s still a place for you here.
If you feel too much, don’t go.
If this world is too painful, stop and rest.
It’s okay to stop and rest.
If you need a break, it’s okay to say you need a break.
This life – it’s not a contest, not a race, not a performance, not a thing that you win.
It’s okay to slow down.
You are here for more than grades, more than a job, more than a promotion, more than keeping up, more than getting by.
This life is not about status or opinion or appearance.
You don’t have to fake it.
You do not have to fake it.
Other people feel this way too.
If your heart is broken, it’s okay to say your heart is broken.
If you feel stuck, it’s okay to say you feel stuck.
If you can’t let go, it’s okay to say you can’t let go.
You are not alone in these places.
Other people feel how you feel.
You are more than just your pain. You are more than wounds, more than drugs, more than death and silence.
There is still some time to be surprised.
There is still some time to ask for help.
There is still some time to start again.
There is still some time for love to find you.
It’s not too late.
You’re not alone.
It’s okay – whatever you need and however long it takes – it’s okay.
It’s okay.
If you feel too much, there’s still a place for you here.
If you feel too much, don’t go.
There is still some time.
I'm around ish. via phone. Call me.
Comments are closed.